“I tend to forget my achievements this month and focused on the bad things.
So I guess I didn’t appreciate myself this month (maybe even this whole year) not enough and even though October is a wonderful month I sort of hated it. I lost friends and realized that I am on my own, even though I have family, friends and a good life. I felt like sometimes I could just vanish and no one would notice. I felt totally unimportant to everyone, had various panic attacks and all that scared me big time. I was afraid of everything (I guess you can call it anxiety) and that kept me from achieving things this month. I hold myself back, which was a mistake in the end, which I just noticed recently. I didn’t know how to handle it, still don’t, so I decided to get help. Not that easy as it sounds like, but I’m on it and I’m getting better. I also watched a movie called Lucky. And one quote stuck with me:
“We come in alone and we’re going out alone. It’s beautiful. Alone comes from two words. “All.” “One.” It’s in the dictionary.” (Lucky).
This quote stuck with me still cause it’s so true. And it gives me sort of comfort when I feel like I’m the only one who’s feeling lost and alone. It’s ok to feel that way from time to time, because we were born this way and will leave this way as well. To wrap it up, October was a tough month and I’m glad it’s over (cause that means Christmas is around the corner) but I’m also afraid of what will come next. I hope that I can handle it, but to be honest I think I will be just fine in the end.”
“I’m finally getting up the courage to write about her. And about you. And about how I feel about her and you. When I think about it, I have an empty ache in my chest. I think about the things we did together and wonder if you’re doing the same things with her like you did with me. I’m not still in love with you. I know that I love the person you were when you were with me. But damn, it sure is hard when you still look like the same person and you aren’t with me. Maybe I’ll write more and maybe I won’t. I just hope she treats you better then I ever could. And my god, I hope she was worth it.”
— Please don’t take his smiles for granted. -gaa (via mysterygrl13)
